A flower will grow through the smallest crack in cement. It will flourish and persevere regardless of the environment because it must. It must do what it is destined to do. That’s how I see my sweet friend, Savannah. She’s just like that flower that has had to break through the smallest spaces, crack open its seed, and grow into something beautiful.
I met Savannah several years ago when I had my retreat center. I met her father beforehand. He asked me to talk to his daughter. He was concerned with her struggle with eating disorders. Savannah’s mother died when she was 9 years old from Anorexia. She struggled with the disorder for 25 years which ended her life at 37. This young woman lived with this paralyzing fear, reflection and trauma of being (or becoming) her mother. She had one of the most intense Body Dysmorphic Disorders (BDD) I had ever encountered. She’s a tiny thing standing at 4’10″…a gentle flower that just takes your breath away when you first see her. Yet, Savannah didn’t see her light, the powerful lighthouse that leads all others to shore until several years later.
She came to visit and sat on my large red sofa and it looked as if the furniture had engulfed her. She became nothing, lost in a sea of cushions. She spoke for hours and I had the pleasure of visiting with her the past, the traumas, and all the deliciousness that make us human. I witnessed that seed ready to crack open. It would take time and full awareness of her power. It didn’t matter what I said, or what her dad (who raised her alone into such an incredible being) could suggest for her. At seventeen it’s really difficult to get through the set programming of thoughts and habits. It is only when the person is ready that the seed opens completely and starts to grow, because it must. 
Savannah left to college. She left the mountains and headed north. In that change of pace and environment she struggled deeply. Today on the phone from California, where she currently resides, she shared: “I had Anorexia but mentally I failed. My behavior was more of a binge eating disorder. I would get up and start on zero and made sure I ended the day on zero again.” Listening to these words I could hear the struggle of the past. But, Savannah doesn’t remember the details of her teen years. She was appreciative for me filling in some of the parts from years ago. I explained that this lack of remembrance is magnificent. It is actually a gift for surviving. If she had stayed with all the details from when her eating disorder began at age 12, she would be a victim. And, that flower is definitely not that. Storms can come and go and that flower continuous to grow.
Savannah quit college and has moved, traveled and visited places we dream of. I marvel at her adventures. I asked her how she deals with the eating disorder now and she said that she eats what she wants, when she wants it, and allows her body to move without fear. The fear is gone. The obsessive compulsiveness of counting calories and food amounts has diminished. She said, “I love being in this body and allow it to move as it wants to without fighting it. It’s is pure freedom. It’s so much easier.”
Still to this day I can remember the body dysmorphia that she struggled during those first months in college when she called me while she binged. She was desperately trying to find control in an environment that is stressful and challenging. But, Savannah did it. She’s on the other side of this disorder. 
I know her mother is smiling from heaven with pride. This flower has turned into a massive rose following the light of each day. Consequently her middle name is Rose! Currently, Savannah is training to become a Certified Life Coach. I have no doubt she will help humanity in the most loving ways…tending to all the seeds struggling to break open while finding the freedom to become what they are suppose to become. Because…they must!
**Note: To witness the journey of a scare-fragile young girl into this incredible woman touches me with so much love and pride. Savannah Rose Crespo, keep on dancing and singing, my love! You are helping many by just being you. I love you. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your journey.

Advertisements